Mother's Day
I'm not a "put it all out there" type of person. While I like to think of myself as open to new ideas and sharing, there is a point where things are "too personal" and I keep that little bit back... most of the time. But this year I do have something very personal, and special, to share with all of you.
For most of our friends and family, it is kind of common "unspoken" knowledge that Jay and I struggled with infertility for several long years before Abbie came along. So while this is the first year that Mother's Day is a day that I don't feel left out and hurt because of not having children of our own, I still remember the other years before this one. I remember the pain every year, and how I would spend the day in tears because of how much it hurt to not be a Mom yet. And I always felt so alone, and that is part of why I am posting this, because I don't want others to feel that way. Because you aren't alone, you are loved, and a very special person.
This Mother's Day, I am remembering all those who are Moms AND those who would love to be, but aren't. I want to quietly honor those of my friends who I know who are still struggling. I would never name names, but you know who you are, and that I love you, and that I still understand where you are at, even if I am further on the journey now. While this year I have joy instead of tears for the first time in a long time on this day, I don't forget how it felt. Mother's Day, Father's Day... all the other holidays where everyone else had kids but us. So in honoring those who still feel the pain of that... My advice is to do what you have to do to comfort yourself. Love on any little kid you can find, let the nurturing out with them. It really does help. Take time with your nieces and nephews if you have any. Enjoy your friend's kids. And most of all, remember that you don't have to give birth, or even adopt, to be "like a Mom" to someone. You don't have to be an official Mom to make a difference in the life of a child, or to enjoy a very special bond with them. It does hurt at times to be around kids and their parents, and I remember crying sometimes on the way home. But I never regretted that special time, and it was healing even while it hurt.
If you need to spend the day alone, do it. Be gentle with yourself. Take time with your spouse and don't let that special bond be broken by this experience. He or she is a wonderful comfort in this, because he or she understands better than even your closest friends just exactly what you both are going through.
You all know that I am not a "preachy" type either, but Isaiah 54 is a very special chapter in the Bible, and it got me through some painful days. God has great comfort for us all, and a perfect plan even though we don't always see it. Hindsight is 20/20 and I truly see things differently, and in a clearer light, from the other side of the experience. I still don't know all of the "why's" but I have gotten a glimpse of some of them, and for now it is enough.
Even though Jay and I were fortunate enough not to suffer any losses through all this, I simply can't post this without also honoring those who have.
I don't know how to wrap this up except with the reminder once again that you are loved, a special person, and needed. Don't give up. May it be a Happy Mother's Day for everyone - Better days are ahead...
